how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
