Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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