Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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