I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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