her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
