So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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