How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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