My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
