it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
