I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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