My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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