Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
