1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
