Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
