i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
