3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
