Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
