a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
FUCK WHALES
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
