Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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