i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
