In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
