ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
