well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
