i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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