wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
