I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
