So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
