A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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