I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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