I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
