May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
