there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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