"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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