I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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