There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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