thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
