Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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