normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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