Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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