I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
