fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
