Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We have started to decorate penises.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
