Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
