so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
