So drunk its hurt
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
