where am i from again
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
