I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
