I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
