Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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