He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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