I faked an abortion last night.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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