you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
