I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
