If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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