It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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