false alarm. still invincible.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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