im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We're too hungover to prance.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
