first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
