Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
