You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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