She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
