after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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