I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
