I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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