the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
that's an acceptable place to lick
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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