Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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