I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Randomize
