Welp...herpes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
