i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
