i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So many bounce houses so little time
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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